We Learn Nothing
“The older I get, the wilder I become.
The longer I live, the more I rebel.”
Zorba
The Times
A few observations/working theories:
modernity = expanding populations + the inability to be alone
there’s a problem in numbers (+ the perceived quality of people)
democracy has spread to decide the worth of everything
If you add that up, it feels increasingly vital to know how to rebel. To enjoy common pleasures, yes, but also to cultivate a steady sense of independence - to build a life where personal taste and private conviction hold court over public consensus and mass opinion.
We’re still at the very beginning of knowing how to be free.
The Blind Leading the Blind, Pieter Bruegel the Elder 1568
A Paradox
Here’s the strange thing: while the pressure to fit in feels enormous, it’s actually paper-thin. The truth is other people are far less invested in our narratives than we imagine. They may be a bit curious (and carry a few passing judgments), but for the most part, they’re too caught up in their own little universes to track ours too closely. That neglect is gold dust.
Their indifference is nothing to be sad about - it’s something to be free in! The identities we cling to, the roles we twist our personalities to maintain, are so much more flexible than we think. We could change everything about our story today1, and - after a brief moment of surprise and concern - people will shrug and file it away without much consequence. What a gift.
Ink
Before getting my first tattoo, I was really nervous. I kept thinking: “It’ll be on me for the rest of my life!” But then I remembered: the rest of my life isn’t - in the grand scheme - that long. I drove straight to the parlor.
I’m not advocating for thoughtless action or reckless abandon, but I am advocating for a healthy dose of perspective - and whatever that leads to:
Go for it.
Say what you actually mean.
Start whatever you think you’re “too late” for.
Live the way you want to - while you can.
Ego-Death(s)
There’s a crucial difference between two kinds of ego-death:
not caring what others think of you, and
losing touch with your own individuality
The first protects you from the second. You have to kill the obsession with reputation in order to earn your true self. The question then becomes:
Do you have the strength of Cain?
“It took me a long time to get here, and now that I am, my callousness may terrify you, but it’s a treasure to me.”
Happiness
Some reasons I’m happy…2
Because I don’t believe what the newspapers say.
Because I generally dislike so-called “social events.”
Because I’m ignorant when it comes to the NFL.
Because I’d gladly walk 100 blocks rather than ride two in a bus.
Because I don’t wear a uniform - and feel sorry for those who do.
Because I constantly simplify my life and enjoy open fields.
Because I know how to forgive - and do so in advance.
Because I’m less bored when I’m alone than with the wrong people.
Because I know the value of bitter days - and don’t rush to escape them.
Because I understand this great truth - we aren’t made rich by what we have, but by what we enjoy and how much we enjoy it.
Because what I admire most in people is composure and clear thinking.
Because despite the customs of modern “men,” I still offer my seat and hold the door open for women (some traditions are worth keeping).
Because when I do a good thing, my satisfaction pays for it.
Because everything I lack as a “success,” I make up for in originality.
Because at dawn, I love life and feel that everything is possible.
“Put aside your assumptions and trust your experience of life. In order to really see the world, we must break with our familiar acceptance of it.”3
J.T.S.
Maurice Merleau-Ponty
Lovely article, thank you. I learned long ago to accept my eccentricities and one of my most pleasurable moments was watching my mother realise that not only did others, including her friends, accept them too, but they found them fascinating. I don't mind what people think of me, but she'd always been embarrassed by my not fitting in, and that was a very liberating moment for her.
Thank you too for keeping up your manners. I do too - I offer my seat on the bus to those who look like they need it more than I do (and I'm a woman not in the first flush of youth 🤣). In London this occasionally shamed young men into offering me their seats in return; one of the great things about Buenos Aires is it's generally not necessary, as the young men have already leapt up. 🙂
It's as if I have a puzzle I am trying to solve without the final picture, yet your words somehow paint the picture visible enough for me to understand each individual piece. Love this and you, thanks for sharing your thoughts!