Invisible Games
Play the Part, Trust What Comes Next
“Act the way you'd like to be, and soon you'll be the way you act.”
Leonard Cohen
On days when my higher self feels far away - when virtues like hope, calm, and kindness are not quite within reach - I have a simple solution: I pretend. I act as if I’m optimistic, serene and gentle, and while it feels shaky at first, something curious happens in the pretense.
In wearing these borrowed attitudes, I often meet something true within me. That is, the performance doesn’t remain hollow for long. What starts as make-believe soon ripens into conviction; what begins as an effort to embody the best in me becomes the realization that I never left it at all.
The lesson is this: pretending doesn’t have to be deception - it can be a practice of our potential. Every time we smile through the heaviness, fake patience in frustration, or speak warmly when we're cold inside, we’re not tricking others - we’re training ourselves.
Below are four games to help you “play the part” before you fully feel it, trusting that your inner landscape will quickly catch up. Try them, and see how a single gesture - real or not - is sometimes all it takes to spark the recognition: Ah, there I am.
Spiritual Games
The Mirror
The Lantern
The Pebble
The Anchor
Afterword: Personal Practice
1 The Mirror
Approach your next encounter as if you were looking into a mirror. Whatever you offer - patience or pride, generosity or contempt - will reflect back at you. Before speaking, pause to ask: What do I want to see in this reflection?
This isn’t about illusion but about intention. Even a small kindness, offered genuinely, changes the energy of the experience. Pay attention to such shifts. Do they reveal something new about others - or about yourself?
Note: The mirror gets interesting when resistance is high and you’re tempted to hold onto a bad mood. If you play through it and overcome your impulses, you'll be rewarded with a little miracle: the vivid satisfaction that comes from turning the prism, from knowing that you can always reshape your reality.
Tomorrow Comes Today (Geometric Mirrors), Jeppe Hein 2012
Example: Talking with Someone Who Annoys You
Initial Reaction: They never listen. They always interrupt. It’s draining.
Mirror Shift: Notice the emotion behind their words. Observe their body language, tone, and pace. Can you spot a moment of vulnerability? Realize that, like you, they just want to be seen and heard. What if their annoying behavior is just a sign of their unmet needs? What if you wrapped up your attention like a gift and extended it to them? You might say: “I love how engaged you are in conversations.” Watch the flicker of surprise. Sense how the space feels softer between you.
2 The Lantern
Move through your day as if you’re carrying a special lantern, designed to illuminate the hidden good. For every scene and situation that presents itself, ask yourself: What’s something valuable here that I haven’t yet noticed?
This doesn’t require direct conversation - it’s about shifting your attention. Set aside your surface impressions and ask what it might be like to love what you see. Look around expecting to find something interesting - witness how the ordinary world can light up from within.
Note: The lantern shines brightest when your surroundings seem dull or you’re feeling cynical. Persist with curiosity, and try not to be praise-stingy. See if you can spark a little more wonder and warmth than you originally thought possible. There’s always more here than meets the eye.
Confidences, James Turrell 2022
Example: The Waiting Room
Surface Impression: This is boring and uncomfortable. It’s a waste of time.
Hidden Good: Notice how stillness invites you to pay attention in new ways. Feel the weight of your body on the chair, the rustle of distant sounds. Realize that waiting is one of life’s few built-in moments to pause. Embrace it. Take a moment to observe the subtle humanity around you - the glances exchanged between strangers, the flick of a page in a magazine, the shared sympathy of those who wait together. Appreciate the delight of deliberate mindfulness.
3 The Pebble
Imagine each of your thoughts and actions as a pebble dropped into a still lake. Some create ripples of harmony, while others stir waves of discord. For this game, let forgiveness be your pebble.
Whenever you notice frustration, anger, or judgment rising, pause and drop forgiveness into the moment. Picture raising your hand and releasing it - see the imagined ripples spreading calm outward.
Note: Take a cue from Buddhist practice and half-smile when you try this. Relax your face and let the corners of your lips lift slightly. It's not a full smile - just the hint of one. It might feel mechanical, but notice what happens when you hold it for a little longer. You might find yourself softening not just your expression, but your perspective.
Mirrored Ripple, Katrine Hildebrandt-Hussey 2024
Example: An “Unfair” Criticism
Trigger: Someone offers unsolicited feedback. It feels sharp and upsetting.
Ripple Shift: As soon as you feel your defensiveness rising, picture the scene like a movie playing on water. Drop a pebble into its center and watch how the ripples blur and soften the image. Feel the emotional grip loosen. There’s no need to escalate the situation. Take a breath, half-smile, and reply with something curious like, “Interesting point - can you tell me more about what you’re seeing?” Whether the critic changes their tone or not, you’re now less tight and more flexible. The space between you is a little more open.
4 The Anchor
Imagine you’re carrying an anchor - not to weigh you down but to keep you steady. When emotions surge or the world feels chaotic, lower this anchor into the depth of your experience.
Whether the “seas” are turbulent with frustration or swelling with just-formed irritations, your only purpose is to stay calm. There’s no need to resist the waves or bring the storm to a stop. Just drop the anchor. Let it pull you back to your presence and inner balance.
Note: Don’t discriminate between external events and the ones that take place only in your mind. A recalled argument, anxious thought, or future worry is just as important as any “actual” occurrence.
Kraken, Rachael Talibart 2016
Example: The Difficult Conversation
Scenario: You’re dreading a difficult conversation. You’re overthinking, running mental scripts of all the ways it might go wrong.
Anchor Shift: Instead of imagining every mistake and discomfort, turn your attention to the still waters of your heart. Lower the anchor into its quiet center. As it settles, set an intention: “No matter what happens, I will stay calm.” The anticipation loses some of its charge. It no longer overwhelms you. When the conversation begins, you arrive with a composed energy, and that grounded presence sets a healthier tone for the discussion.
Afterword: Personal Practice
I know you’ll tire of me saying this, but it’s important: take these ideas and make them your own. These games are here to offer a sense of possibility - not a set of rules. Borrow their spirit, and then play freely.
You have to love the practice to practice, and for that to happen, your games should carry an individual style and personal connection. The more you make them yours, the more natural they become.
"To know how to do something well is to enjoy it."1
As you go about your day, try one or more and see what arises. It may start as a playful exercise, but don’t be surprised if it becomes something more. Small moves have a way of growing roots - what feels like a modest shift in a single moment can quietly change the way you experience everything.
Pearl S. Buck
Love it Javs 🫶🏼